September 29th 2009
So I was reading again about Abram’s faith in Genesis 15 and it’s clear that Abram also had a lot of doubts. But he believed God enough that God credits him with righteousness. It sounds like the key is that Abram took his doubts to God. So what am I doubting?

Will I be able to preach well without preparing?
Will I hear (and follow) the Spirit’s voice to know what to say and do in each situation with each person?
Will I be a good team leader?
Will I make the right decisions?
Will I impress Don and Randy or let them down?
Will people think well of me or realize I don’t know what I’m doing?

Abram took his doubts to God but then he believed God. God what are you saying to me in these areas?

I believe God is going to use me. I don’t know how some of these things will work out and that’s okay. It’s not really about me anyway. It’s about God. As Randy would say, if God can use a donkey to speak to someone he can use me. I don’t need to worry about impressing anyone else because God is already impressed. He already loves me. He’s excited for me, he’s cheering me on. I don’t have to be perfect (and it’s probably better for Ecuador if I’m not). God will use my mistakes too. If God uses me despite my mistakes that’s an encouragement to our national workers too. They don’t have to be perfect, God will use them too!

That’s a great reminder to stay vulnerable, share my mistakes and fears, model being a humble imperfect servant who believes God and gets used by God anyways.

God please help me not to make it about me. Please help me let go of my desire to please people and perform well. Let me be a good servant. It’s about you and it’s about them, not about me being the star or getting the accolades.